Burger-Lovers Weigh In on Things That Can Instantly Ruin a Hamburger

In my humble opinion, the best burger in the world is some variation of George Motz’s Oklahoma fried onion smash burger. It’s pretty simple. Oil and heat your skillet. Place a ball of 80/20 ground beef in skillet and season with salt. Add a handful of finely sliced white onions on top of your ball. Smash the onions and beef into a thin patty and then leave it alone. Wait until the frilly edges go brown. Flip the patty. Lay slice of bullshit cheese on top (you know, those pre-wrapped American cheese squares that basically taste like slices of milk). Cover for just 30 seconds while a buttered Martin’s Potato Roll (or squishy equivalent) lightly browns in a separate pan. If you’re feeling crazy, add some finely sliced pickles or maybe a sliced pickled hot pepper. Otherwise, that’s it.

Now that I’ve got you all hungry and craving meat, here’s an enraging list of things that can instantly ruin a perfectly good burger.